WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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