He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he had hair everywhere except his balls
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
