i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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