How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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