sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
