omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
try to milk me bitch
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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