your parents love me but you hate me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He? As in you personified your dick?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
