The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
