He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
