You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
