what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
