i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
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I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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