i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
