well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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