My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Found the puke drawer
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
