on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
