Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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