Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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