Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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