We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
