I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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