My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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