you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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