It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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