I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
