I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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