Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
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4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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