I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize