i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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