I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
me + whiskey = a bad person
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
