Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize