I feel like I'm in dance class right now
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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