My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
