I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
home. puking in laundry basket.
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told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
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Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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