It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
