did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
