Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize