remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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