So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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