I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
