it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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