I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
