dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
this is an emotional support booty call
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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