Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
