Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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