I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
