We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
