I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
