You're completely useless in the revolution.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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