she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
