so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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