i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
