just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
