that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
