I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
