opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
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The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
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I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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