Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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