he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
