would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
