in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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